So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
