Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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