Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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