i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
