They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
