I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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