I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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