I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize