Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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