I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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