im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
