Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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