I could make wine with my vomit
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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