I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
