She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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