Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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