The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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