I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
