Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
