I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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