worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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