I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
