I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
