Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
