Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize