I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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