Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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