Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize