Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
