do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
