why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
