He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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