Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
