she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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