Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
