Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
