You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
