I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
