remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
