please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
