party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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