I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
