I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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