I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
