I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
