dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
