I'm going to jail i love you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
