Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
