ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
