I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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