WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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