Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Drunk is not a location!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
