How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
