watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
