can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
