I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
