You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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