hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
