my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
