too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
