I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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