would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
