please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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